week 3: sticky + flaky

birthdays, for me, necessitate carrot cake. that's my only requirement. 

this year, in the face of a strange + uncertain series of undertakings (moving, reconsidering career goals/objectives, + trying to keep a consistent conversation with family--now including a husband), my birthday was difficult. we almost bought a restaurant. we almost made it to a dance party. we almost got lost several times. the details of the birthday weekend are the same details as most of my days right now: i'm totally unclear what's happening + how to dissect what's happening.

i was happy to come home in time to get started on my mess project with sheena, but time did a funny little turn around: jesse + i needed to talk about what's next, talking turned into hours passing before my birthday was over + sunday was monday. 

monday: i started the mess:

agave nectar

maple syrup

+ coconut syrup were my sticky bases. 

feathers from our really ugly couch, coffee grounds from the morning (wet from the chemex and dry from the grinder), pencil shavings from the evening before, + cinnamon were my dry flakes. i added salt as a last minute consideration, but regretted not using pink salt. 

truth: i hate this kind of mess. i like that everything settled in the middle + wouldn't mine thinking about that, but i really wanted this to be "cleaner." 

i do like, in up close images, that the powders show up, that i didn't have to "brush" the sticky substances, _ that i can play with shadows. i added flax seeds because i spilled them before they made it to my oatmeal.

afterwards, i really needed to make something that i had more control with/over:

i made some wreaths, thought about the appreciation i have for being able to be "conscious" + "aware." nothing, about the wreaths is an accident--i selected the material + determined the arrangement. the mess project makes me realize how much i value the process of selecting, choosing, + being the one who enables the product to look as it looks. how much of an accident/mess is artfulness? i'm still not at that answer, but i'm looking for an intersection between both those qualities. i know the wreaths are "imperfect" + that makes them appealing to me, but they are also an execution of total control. 

i took a second to think about this, mapped it. connection/intersection/where it all meets, is always the center i return to. and on the exterior: keats--always keats. 

regardless, this was fun. this was a good way to see and difficult, a bit, to put on the book. the book, as object, is becoming an object of character.