It's not new to notice that my attempts to control, to have control, end in failure. But there's still this need to start making some real decisions about what's next and what's coming up. Are we opening our bread shop? Am I going back to school or to the ashram? I really don't know.
The patterns are like this: the less I try and decide, the more I fall into wonderful things. We take a wrong turn and find something really pleasant.
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| my feet find some moss and clover growing over metal |
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| Tara, mom, and I get lost on the wine trail and on the way to find shopping and we find Simply Red, some place lovely to eat. |
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This is mom's first french press, which makes me wonder what kind of coffee she's been drinking. Have we spoiled her with chemex coffee for too long?
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And a perfect pink lemonade--what you don't know is that there's lavender in this and it's amazing.
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This salad is likewise amazing, but where there was lavender there's now pepitas, banana chips, and the best smoked sausage ever. I wonder if I can go back to being a vegetarian or if it's okay that meat "compliments" my veggies.
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It's not as if I don't know that we wander and find things--my overall pursuit of the perfect derive--but there are some real decisions I need to make and my current situation keeps reminding me that I need to make those decisions, even need to grow up a bit, soon.
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